Overheard on the plane today...

Pilot: Good morning ladies and gentlemen. We're going to have mostly sunny weather with a few broken clouds...
Little girl behind me: (shocked and saddened) BROKEN clouds?!?

Like the thought of a cute fluffy cloud being broken was the worst thing that could happen.  Too cute!

While Listening to Christmas Songs...

"This man, who sings about Feliz Navidad, he is SO blind."

Not just blind.  SO blind.

"The worst thing about living in Pompeii (where Mount Vesuvius erupted) would be...

... you can't order Pizza Hut.  No wait.  That there are no candy stores."

Right.  Because that's what I would be worried about as ash is falling all around me and burying my town: pizza and candy.

Confused

Directions: Write a sentence for the word "tree".

Student: "tree. they live on every planet except for Alaska."

Um, not even close.  At least he capitalized the proper noun.  We've only been working on that for two months or so.

Oh no!

See if you can figure out what she's REALLY trying to say...

Comment below if you think you know!

Quote of the Day from Third Grade, October 9

"Ms. Kirch, is this the first day that you haven't worn a dress?"

Glad to hear that they're really remembering the important things.


And at dismissal:
"I'm really nauseous that my grandpa won't remember to pick me up from Spanish Chorus."

Me: NAUSEOUS??? ... "Oh, you mean you're really NERVOUS that he won't remember?"

"Yeah"

Phew, no need for a trash can on this one.  Crisis averted.

Gifts from Students

My favorite second grade teacher got a nice present from a student today.

A bottle opener.  That says Sailor Jerry's Spiced Rum.  ON A NECKLACE.

We could not make this stuff up.

Third Graders Aren't as Funny as Kindergarteners

Sorry for the complete lack of posts this year; it's just that my students tend to say more sensible things than kindergarteners do!  There are a few exceptions, and I will definitely be posting them here.  Until next time...

Me: "Uhh, just so you guys know, we have a mouse in our classroom somewhere.  His name is Juan.  I'm going to try to catch him at some point.  Don't worry, he's more scared of you than you are of him."
Student: "Ms. Kirch, did YOU name him Juan?"

No kid.  The mouse told me his name was Juan.  YES I named him!

Quote of the Day from Summer School, Day 5

From a 4-year-old:

"Ms. Doughty, I don't think I can be 'good Lamar' ALL day..."

Well, at least he's honest.

Quotes of the Day from Summer School, Day 3

After the librarian read "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie", she asked what the mouse might do next.  One of my seven-year-olds raised his hand and said, "Well, he'll probably want to sit down and take a load off."

Quotes of the Day from Summer School, Day 1

In PRESCHOOL
Student 1: I have a sister named Nicki.
Student 2: Nicki?!  As in Nicki Minaj?!

Quotes or Funny Moments I've Been Writing on Scrap Paper but Haven't Had A Chance to Publish Until Now

To my assistant: Why are you wearing your PJs?
Her: I'm not.  This is just a plaid shirt.
(two minutes later, a different kid): Why are you wearing your PJs?

Favorite Day:
The day that I could NOT convince Ike that chocolate milk doesn't come from brown cows.  Oh well.  He'll find out soon enough.

"I'm sexy and I know it."
-A child on the playground, no older than third grade, singing LMFAO's recent hit.  At least he wasn't singing it to anyone specifically (see news article: Colorado first grader suspended for singing 'Sexy and I Know It': http://www.cnn.com/2012/05/07/us/colorado-first-grader-suspended/index.html?iref=allsearch)

"Ms. Kirch, you look like a swimsuit model!"
-Monica

"The leprechauns told me not to."
-Eduardo, near St. Patrick's Day, on why he didn't do his work

To my assistant: Where did you get your wedding ring?
Her: My husband gave it to me.  Why?
Student: I need to buy one.
My assistant: For who?
Student: For Taylor.  She's my girlfriend.

And the best for last...

Roman: Ms. Kirch, did you fix the projector so we can watch the hermit crabs?
Me: "No, I haven't yet.  Actually, we have to wait for the lady to come fix it."
Roman (dead serious): "Lady Gaga?!"

Quotes of the Day from Kindergarten, Day 171

Me: Ike, where's your paper towel for snack?

Ike: Umm, I think it's playing hide-and-seek with me.

Me: Oh no, some of our plants aren't growing.

Elizabeth: Ms. Kirch, I know what they need...

Me: What?

Elizabeth (like the answer is so obvious): Love!

"Stop it you imbecile!"

-Roman, during playtime

My partner, who teaches math, asked Andres to count to 100.  In typical fashion, he counts to 30 and stops, saying, "Wait.  I have to count alllll the way to 100??"

Quote of the Day from Kindergarten, Day 160

Alexis: "My sister is so big.  She's 7.  But my brother is the biggest of all.  He's 8.  He will die first from [of] all the childrens!"

Quotes of the Day from Kindergarten, Day 155

I had lunch with Nadine today, and she was on a roll...

On my being a vegetarian: "Why don’t you give meat a chance??"

On getting your figure back after having kids: "The reason my mom has a belly that moves around like this (jiggles stomach) is because I stretched-ed it out and my brother stretched-ed it out and once you have one kid, your fatness goes down, but once you have two kids, you have to really WORK your way back to thinness."

Quotes of the Day from Kindergarten, Day 148

Bella: "Ms. Kirch, how old are you?"
Ms. Kirch: "24"
Bella: "Oh.  That's not too scary a number."

Nadine: "Ms. Kirch, are you going to bring the hermit crabs to the cafeteria for movie night?"

Quote of the Day from Kindergarten, Day 135

“Youuuu doooon’t caaaareee... if-I’m-alive-or-dead!”

-Nigel, singing Objection Tango by Shakira

Quotes of the Day from Kindergarten, Day 131

"I have a cough, it gives me lots of mucus, and it makes my feet not be able to walk."

-Clover

"Can we please listen to Justin Beaver?"

-Michael

"This was my favorite song way back when I was four!"

-Nadine, about the song “Eenie Meenie” by Sean Kingston and Justin Bieber.  She's five.

Quotes from Second Grade

"Ms. Doughty, I have something really embarrassing to tell you.  My pants are on backwards.  I don't know it happened.  I put them on the right way this morning!"

"Ms. Doughty, my mom told me some really important news... I'm going to the dentist in May."

Quotes of the Day from Kindergarten, Day 126

"You don't even want to know how many people my dad has married!"
-Nadine

"You asusted me!" (asustar means to scare in Spanish)
-Ike

An Apology Letter from a Student

First, see if you can read it without looking at the translation below.

Translation:

"Ms. Kirch,

I am sorry for showing my bottom.

Next time I will,

not show my bottom."

And this was the second flashing incident of the day.

Quotes of the Day from Kindergarten, Day 112

So my kids haven't been very funny in a while, but today they really brought out the priceless moments:

First, Katrina started singing "Life is a Highway" (her repertoire also includes Lady Gaga and Adele.)

Next, we were erasing our white boards with (clean) socks that I bought at the dollar store.  Every day they ask me, and every day I go over the fact that no, nobody has ever worn these socks.  Today Andres said, "Ms. Kirch, you'd better not put your feet in them.  Then they'd be soooo stinky."

Last (and best), Angelo came up to me during snack and point blank asked me, "Can a man and a man get married?"  I took a big sip of water to buy myself some time, and then I said, "Why do you ask?"  He said, "Because Monica said they can, but I know they can't."  I responded, "You know, that would be a really good question for your mom and dad.  Now go sit down eat your snack please."  Phew.

My students might be a little bit... confused

Quote of the Day from Kindergarten, Day 104

My students just haven't been very funny lately.  Although today one student's brother asked me,

"Wanna see me breakdance?"

He's 4 years old.

What Teachers Do on a Saturday

Directions: Buy a silicone mold baking sheet from A.C. Moore for $9.99 (make sure that it has fun shapes).  Take all the broken crayons from your classroom home with you.  Put them into the molds, mixing colors as you wish.  Put the sheet in the oven for about 5 minutes at 275 degrees.  Remove from the oven.  Then feel very proud of yourself for being so productive (even though your kitchen is now messy and you meant to clean your bathroom and you should start planning lessons for Monday.)  Oh well!

Out of the oven and cooling

 What they look like in the pan...

... and pop!  They come right out!

From second grade...

The kindergarteners were having an off day, so here's a quote from second grade:

"Jason, did you call Jahsli poop head?"

"No, I called her fart head."

Misheard Words

Victoria: “My mom doesn’t speak Spanish with me that much.”

Sra. Lockinger: “What does she speak, Quechua?”

Victoria: “Yes.”

Bella: “How do you speak ketchup?!”

Lena: “When can we have our candy?”

Me: “I’ll give it to ya lata’.”

Lena: “Who’s Yalayta?”

Quote of the Day from Kindergarten, Day 92

“Ms. Kirch, you’re like a teacher kindergartener.  You’re a teacher, but you’re like a kindergartener.”

-Natasha

Quote of the Day from Kindergarten, Day 89

Today was Clover's day for great comments:

Clover: “I hate February.”

Me: “Why?”

Clover: “I’m getting a shot in February.”

Then, five minutes later

“Did you know that my dog peed in my basement four times and frew up on my bed two times?"

No, no I did not.

This was all before 8:00am.

Quote of the Day from Kindergarten, Day 88

Coming to my small-group table, Sarahi says, “I lost my paper and now I’ve lost my mind!”

Then, five minutes later, while we review the alphabet, she decides it's the right time to tell us, “I like marshmallows.”

Quote of the Day from Kindergarten, Day 84

-Me: (walking out into the sunshine) “Ahh it’s so bright outside!  Angelo, slow down.  It’s too bright.  How can you see so well to walk so fast?”

-Angelo: (nonchalantly) “It's because I have black eyes.”

-Me: “What are baby ducks called?”

-Clover: “Dumplings!”

Quote of the Day from Kindergarten, Day 82

Describing her drawing:
"I'm whimpering because the zombies and the angels of darkness were scaring me!"
-Sarahi

Quotes of the Day from Kindergarten, Day 81

Literally as they enter the classroom:

Nigel: "Ms. Kirch, see my eye?  It's red.  Actually pink.  I have pink eye.  But it's not the contagious kind."

My thoughts: "First of all, he knows the word contagious?  He's five years old.  And secondly, I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure all pink eye is contagious.  He's going to the nurse."

Next, Geraldine enters...

Geraldine: "Ms. Kirch, I wasn't here yesterday."

My thoughts: "Umm, I know..."

Geraldine: "I was sick."

Me: "Well I'm glad you're feeling better.  What kind of sick... headache, stomachache?"

Geraldine: "I had bugs in my head."

My thoughts: "Is she trying to say she has a mental illness?  What is she talking about?  Oh my gosh *ALARM BELLS LICE ALARM BELLS*, she probably means bugs in her HAIR!"

Me: "You mean bugs in your hair?"

Geraldine: "Yes.  But don't worry, my mom got them all out."

Me: "NO.  You're going to the nurse.  Walk with Nigel."

All this is before 8am.

Quote of the Day from Kindergarten, Day 77

"I wish a unicorn threw up on me and sprinkles came out."
-Sarahi

Quotes of the Day from Kindergarten, Day 74

My Kindergarteners

On yarn: "It plays with grandmas."

-Natasha

While putting a (miniature) pot on his head, Matthew said: "Hey!  I look like Christopher Columbus!"

The other students in his group just stared at him until one finally said: "You mean Johnny Appleseed??"

Quoting the principal: "She said, 'Read, read, read'... so I'm gonna READ!"

-Nadine

And finally, Nolan sparked a debate with me today when I wouldn't let him use the white boards and markers because he hadn't been following directions.  He said, "You know what?  This is kind of like what the people did to Martin Luther King!"  I proceeded to explain to him that MLK was against discrimination based on what people looked like.  He said, "Yeah, this is the same thing!"  I finally convinced him that, no, the fact that I expect him to follow school rules such as keeping his hands to himself is not the same thing as segregation.  He simply said, "Ohhhhhhhhhh...".  TGIF.

Quotes of the Day from Kindergarten, Day 72

"I have volcanic sneakers."
-Nigel

Our reading program has "Robust Vocabulary"; basically very large words that we're supposed to teach these five-year-olds.  Hmm... maybe I should make sure they know what they're called first...
"Ms. Kirch!  I used one of our RoBUSTED Vocabulary Words!"
-Angelo

Quote of the Day from Kindergarten, Day 71

"Over break I went to Chuck-E-Cheese, and it was OFF THE HOOK!"
-Nadine, who also cried for THIRTY MINUTES because she realized it is now January.  And you know what that means?  That means that we skipped July, which is when her birthday is.  I showed her a calendar, told her that her birthday would come again this year, but no.  Apparently we skipped July.