Questions from a Third Grader

At 7:40 this morning, this kid (who never talks) asks me:

Student: "Ms. Kirch, do you ever feel like something's missing in your life?"

Me, playing along because that is a funny question just by itself: "Umm sure, what do you mean?"

Student: "You know, like kids, a husband, a family."

Thanks, kid, for making me feel good about my accomplishments.

What's your favorite time of day?

Kid: "Ms. Kirch, what's you're favorite time of day?"

Me: "Umm, probably reading time because I really like reading to you guys. What's your favorite time of day?"

Kid: "Leaving."

Crushed.

During after-school tutoring

The student always brings a snack for one of my fellow teachers when she tutors him. She really enjoys the snack he brings. Today he came in and said, "Ms. D, I didn't eat my lunch today so I could feed you after school."

When it got really dark yesterday during the tornado watch...

"Ms. D, why did you keep us all night?"

On the moon

"My mom's friend is a NASA scientist and she went into space and she was pregnant and she had her baby on the moon."

Yeah okayyy... I feel like I would have heard about that one.

Blasts from the Past

On the eve of the first day of school, here are some oldies I wrote down but never posted...


From K/1st grade summer school, 2011:

"Firefighters? I'm allergic to firefighters."

(About my non-bending thumb)
"It's been like that since you were born? Well look, mine works."

Me: "And where do we find fire hydrants? (looking for the word "sidewalk")
Student: "In front of the burning house?"

Student: "Why do some people have hair in their armpits and some don't?"
Me: "Well, adults have hair under their arms, and children don't."
Student: "Oooh... I want to be an adult!"

Student: "Who is that man in the poster?"
Me: "I think that's Jackie Robinson. He was a famous baseball player who did many great things."
Student: "Oh! Well tell him congratulations!"

"In 13 days and 6 years, I'm going to be a werewolf. See all this hair on my back?"

"I'm going to germinate on August 21st because it's my birthday."

"I love 7-Eleven... it's 9 o'clock!"

"When you sweat, it makes your crown all watery."

"Ms. Kirch, when my dad and I go to the moon, some of our body parts fall off yeah?"



I could not make this stuff up.

Vintage--Kindergarten

Vintage=Found on random scraps of paper

From my first year teaching:
Me: "Okay, let's learn about 'he' and 'she'. We use 'he' for a boy, and 'she' for a girl."
Elisabeth: (without missing a beat) "And girls are made of sugar and spice."

Also, random gifts I have received:
-a warm can of Pepsi
-a heart necklace, from a boy who was trying to play it cool with the explanation,"Yeah, my mom makes platinum." Platinum. Umm-hmm. Whatever you say, kid.

Visiting a Kindergarten Classroom

A kindergarten student (the little brother of one of my third graders) runs up to me and gives me a big hug.

Student: "Can I go with you today?"

Me: "Actually no, I'm not taking anyone with me. I'm just visiting."

Student: (grabbing onto me) "But I'm your biggest fan!!!"

Odd, because I have met this kid ONCE.  But he's just so cute!

We might need to review some basic geography concepts before the mandatory state tests...

Me: "What continent do we live on?"

Student 1: "Virginia"

Me: "Nope. Remember the song that we always sing? The seven continents are: North America, Europe, Asia, Africa, South America, Australia, and Antarctica."

Student 1: "Okay. Umm, South America."

Me: "No." Moving on.



Later that day, same student, plus another boy.

Me: Where do EUROPEans come from?

SAME Student 1: "Asia"

Me: (internally) "AHHHH"

Student 2: "Ohh, I know I know!"

Me: (phew) "Good, okay, where do EUROPEans come from?"

Student 2: "Russia!"

Me: "Noooo. Believe it or not, they come from EUROPE. That's actually why they're called EUROPEans."

SAME Student 1: "Huh. That makes a lot of sense."

YES, IT DOES!

Courtesy of One of My Colleagues from Last Year (Another Kindergarten Teacher)

These are the kinds of texts that I receive from her:

Teacher's Question of the Day: "What do you like to do during indoor recess on a rainy day?  Draw, paint, play with blocks, read books...?"
Student 1: "I like to drink hot chocolate."
Teacher: "What?"
Student 2: "Watch TV"
Teacher: "Guys come on, we don't watch TV or drink hot chocolate in here. What do you like to do IN THE CLASSROOM for indoor recess?"
Student 3: "Watch TV"
AHHHHH!

"I showed the afternoon class a picture of a cockroach (it was a book about them) and asked them what kind of insect it was.  Their answers: a lobster, a funny-looking crab, a ladybug, a bug, and a bee.  AHHHHH!"

Students Present Animal Reports... Hilarity Ensues

My afternoon class was on a roll today with their hilarious comments.  Here are a few gems:

Presenter: "Caracals (a kind of cat) can have up to 6 babies."
Student leans over to teacher and whispers: "I wouldn't want to be THAT caracal!"

When presenting about harbor seals, one girl was talking and then her partner just jumped in, rubbing his belly, with the statement, "They also have lots of BLUBBER!"...  in an Italian-ish accent.

Student: "Koalas eat mostly 'euca-platypus' leaves.  If there are no 'euca-platypus' leaves available, they may eat other plants."

It took me a while to stop laughing.

Into Oblivion

Today a student was waving his Word Study notebook right near the little paper words that another student had just sorted. Trying to avert disaster (based on previous experiences), I said, "Stop waving your notebook or you'll blow his words into oblivion!" His response: "Why Bolivia?"

Show and Share

A teacher I know told me this story of a mother who recently asked:
"Can my son bring a knife to school for Show and Share?"

The teacher's internal response:
"First of all, we don't have Show and Share.  Second of all, ARE YOU KIDDING ME??"

The teacher's actual response:
"Due to school policy, your son is not permitted to bring a knife into school.  Also, we do not have Show and Share in second grade.  Please let me know if you have any more questions!"

We could not make this stuff up.

Getting our time periods mixed up

It would have been pretty hard for the ancient Greeks to trade with America in the years B.C. Sigh.

I think I'm going to explode!

My favorite food is pizza. It is so cheesy. I like pepperoni pizza. And cheese pizza. When I eat pizza I think that I am going to... explode!

History Lesson

"Ms. Kirch, did the ancient Romans get the idea for arches from rainbows?  Because rainbows existed back then too you know..."

Third Grade Wisdom

Student: You know what I think is really suspicious about people who say, "Does it five times better than the leading brand!"?
Me: No, what?
Student: Then why aren't THEY the leading brand?

Hmm... good point.