Quotes or Funny Moments I've Been Writing on Scrap Paper but Haven't Had A Chance to Publish Until Now

To my assistant: Why are you wearing your PJs?
Her: I'm not.  This is just a plaid shirt.
(two minutes later, a different kid): Why are you wearing your PJs?

Favorite Day:
The day that I could NOT convince Ike that chocolate milk doesn't come from brown cows.  Oh well.  He'll find out soon enough.

"I'm sexy and I know it."
-A child on the playground, no older than third grade, singing LMFAO's recent hit.  At least he wasn't singing it to anyone specifically (see news article: Colorado first grader suspended for singing 'Sexy and I Know It': http://www.cnn.com/2012/05/07/us/colorado-first-grader-suspended/index.html?iref=allsearch)

"Ms. Kirch, you look like a swimsuit model!"
-Monica

"The leprechauns told me not to."
-Eduardo, near St. Patrick's Day, on why he didn't do his work

To my assistant: Where did you get your wedding ring?
Her: My husband gave it to me.  Why?
Student: I need to buy one.
My assistant: For who?
Student: For Taylor.  She's my girlfriend.

And the best for last...

Roman: Ms. Kirch, did you fix the projector so we can watch the hermit crabs?
Me: "No, I haven't yet.  Actually, we have to wait for the lady to come fix it."
Roman (dead serious): "Lady Gaga?!"

Quotes of the Day from Kindergarten, Day 171

Me: Ike, where's your paper towel for snack?

Ike: Umm, I think it's playing hide-and-seek with me.

Me: Oh no, some of our plants aren't growing.

Elizabeth: Ms. Kirch, I know what they need...

Me: What?

Elizabeth (like the answer is so obvious): Love!

"Stop it you imbecile!"

-Roman, during playtime

My partner, who teaches math, asked Andres to count to 100.  In typical fashion, he counts to 30 and stops, saying, "Wait.  I have to count alllll the way to 100??"